'It's like we're invisible': 17-year-olds call out friend for spending all her time with her boyfriend, she leaves the group chat

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 2, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Ah, young love. When you're first falling for someone, it can feel like you're the first person to ever fall in love. You're the only person who understands how you feel. Nobody else has ever been in love like you have. It can make you terrible to be around. Anyone who has ever been a teenager, or better yet, has been the parents of teenagers, knows exactly what this is like. 

Teens can be pretty insufferable anyway, but when they're in puppy love it gets exponentially worse. They start neglecting every other thing in their life, from school to activities to their other friends. And when you're the other friend, this can be pretty upsetting. You might feel like you've been passed over for a love interest. You might feel like you've been abandoned and left to your own devices. It's only natural to get a little upset about the state of your friendship. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my friend everything everyone has been afraid to tell her?

    I (17f) have a friend who got a new boyfriend a few months ago. Our friend group (5 girls) was really happy for her at first because he's nice. But it's gotten to the point where they can't be apart for more than five minutes.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10500728064
    via Melissa Walker Horn

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's the problem one girl had when one of her best friends got into a new relationship. When they started spending every single moment together, her friends felt some type of way about that. But when she tried to intervene, everything came out at once. Read on for the story to see what happened.

  • 03
    He lives in a different city yet somehow he's always here. When we're at school, they FaceTime constantly. The moment school ends, he's already waiting at her house. Whenever our friend group hangs out, he's there too. It's gotten really annoying.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 04
    We literally can't be around her without him being there or at least being mentioned. And when he is there, she won't even look at us. It's like we're invisible. it feels like she's not our friend anymore.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 05
    Last night, our group planned one of our usual late-night hangouts. We like to meet at around 10 p.m. and walk around all night just talking. But three hours in, it was obvious that she and her boyfriend were just walking ahead of us, talking only to each other and ignoring the rest of the group. Everyone else kept whispering about how annoyed they were and how mad this situation was making them. I wasn't enjoying myself at all.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 06
    I asked the girls if they wanted to just leave them, because honestly, I didn't think they'd even notice. One girl said yes, but the other two didn't want to abandon her. So I left with the one who agreed. We said goodbye, and only then did my friend finally notice us for the first time that night. She asked where we were going. I was so annoyed that I just told her that we'll talk about it later and left.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 07
    We went to eat ramen and continued our walk and honestly, that night was more fun than anything we've done together with her in the past month. The next day, she showed up at my house unannounced and of course, her boyfriend was with her. She demanded to know why we left. So I told her. Not just about last night, but everything everyone had been too scared to say.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 08
    I told her that she and her boyfriend are obsessed with each other. That ever since they got together, she doesn't care about us. That she treats us like we're only there for her convenience, like punching bags when she's mad. That she acts entitled and thinks that just because she's had a rough past, she deserves everything. That she's ride. Possessive. That she thinks we owe her something just because she was the one who brought us all together.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 09
    I unloaded everything. She was crying by the time I was done, and she left. But five minutes later, she started the argument again in the group chat, which annoyed me even more. So I said all the same things again, but this time I gave examples of every single thing I brought up. She left the group chat after that.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 10
    Now the other girls are mad at me, because some of the examples I gave involved things she had done to them, not just me. I don't know what to think. Am I the a hole? I don't like how we all complained behind her back, but no one had the guts to say anything to her face but I feel bad that I made her cry.
    via u/Quick_Guidance_9560
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10500728320
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12

    Commenters gave a little bit of tough love.

    lordmwahaha .7h ago gentle YTA. Hear me out. It sounds like at no point was a calm and reasonable discussion had about this. You guys all just sat on this, building resentment, until someone exploded. That's poor conflict resolution.
    via u/lordmwahaha
  • 13
    Also you really shouldn't have dragged your friends into it - it's their choice whether they bring up the issues they're having with her. You took that choice away from them and essentially put them in the centre of a fight they never wanted.
    via u/lordmwahaha
  • 14
    float05 1h ago • Plus she added things into her list of complaints that seem deeper seeded than the points she made in the rest of this post. Those were very personal and it sounds like OP doesn't even like this friend.
    via u/float05
  • 15
    Grapefruit No9284 .7h ago Gentle YTA. Young love is a weird thing, and you're right, they probably are obsessed with each other, at least in the way it feels at that age.
    via u/GrapefruitNo9284
  • 16
    It's clear you find it annoying/too much/friend is withdrawing, but you never actually brought it up with her, nor did your friends. The only time you did was when you snapped at her after letting these feelings boil over. Why did you not sit her down and speak to her before blowing up?
    via u/GrapefruitNo9284
  • 17
    I'd say the fact the other girls in the group aren't happy with you is probably a fair reflection. It sounds like you used examples with other members of the group, which would make it seem as though the group was ganging up on her.
    via u/GrapefruitNo9284
  • 18
    det... 6h ago Edited 3h ago ESH. • On one hand, I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. I'm 18F so we're around the same age, and I've had a friend or two where they've gotten boyfriends, and it suddenly feels like you're just a background character
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 19
    in their grand romance story. They've hung out with me. and just constantly checked. their Snapchat, talked about how great their partner is and nothing else, etc. It can be a bit annoying, and given the context you gave, she's aiming to win the "most changed after getting a boyfriend" award lol. It
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 20
    would definitely frustrate me too, and if all the girls in the group are noticing her change in behavior and actively complaining about it, i'm inclined to believe your depiction of her actions are accurate. Therefore, I definitely think you had/have a right to feel frustrated and forgotten. It's only natural to feel off-put when someone
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 21
    you were so close with now only seems to have their partner on their mind, especially when it's like their whole life revolves around their relationship. So, yes, I think you had a right to be upset and want to express that.
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 22
    However, I think you could have handled it differently. While your frustration toward her and her boyfriend are valid, I think using it as an opportunity to bring up other things you disliked/had a problem with wasn't called for. It honestly sounds like you don't even
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 23
    like her with how you describe her. The best thing you could've done would be to politely address the relevant issue on the table (i.e. why you left that night early) rather than just bashing her for however long this conversation went on for. There tends to be a
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 24
    respectful way to deliver a point that prevents problems just like this. Instead of ripping her to shreds, you could have just said something like, "It's just a little frustrating when your boyfriend is always around because, while I like him and his company, I miss spending time with you alone."
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 25
    I think this was a preventable problem if you (and your friends) had communicated more efficiently. Addressing an issue may be uncomfortable and potentially scary, but it's far better than waiting and letting the anger build until you lashed out like you did. Hence, a gentle ESH.
    via u/deteriorating_plum
  • 26
    Kuddel_Daddeldu • 7h ago ESH. Your friend all but abandoning your friend group must have hurt, but you could have handled it better - more calmly and matter-of-fact. Like "I get it that you are madly in love, and that's great for you! But I feel you are ignoring me
    via u/Kuddel_Daddeldu
  • 27
    and your other friends. This hurts me. We value your friendship and would like to have some time with you where BF is not the main topic; we like him but we're not in love with him. Can we do that, or would you like a time-out from our friend group so you can focus on
    via u/Kuddel_Daddeldu
  • 28
    him?" You're young and it's normal that you all need to learn adulting. It's a wonderful but also stressful time of your life!
    via u/Kuddel_Daddeldu

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friendship relationship advice aita drama AITAH best friends young love teenagers storytime friends listen to your friends reddit story relationships friend drama friend story reddit thread Reddit discourse conflict
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